HBO is popular seriesto The White Lotusin both seasons of the series, a group of wealthy people arrives by boat to the luxurious location of the resort chain that gives the title of the series. In the first season, the resort is in Hawaii, and in the current second season, the vacationers traveled to Sicily. The characters bond with each other during their time at the resort as we slowly discover the complexities of their personalities and relationships. Both seasons feature a murder, and viewers can guess who dies and how until the last episode.
Who is Tanya?
Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge) is a wealthy and emotionally fragile woman. In the first season of the series, he reveals that he was abused by his late parents. So, in addition to the half a billion dollars, a lot of mental damage is also part of his inheritance from them. Tanya mourns her mother’s recent death and scatters her ashes into the sea, but letting go of the emotional pain proves more complicated.
In the second season, Tanya arrives with her assistant at the White Lotus resort in Sicily, which is strange because the trip was supposed to be a romantic getaway, so her husband, Greg (Jon Gries), is puzzled by the presence of the assistant, Portia (Haley Lu Richardson). And then this frustration he feels for Tanya only grows stronger episode after episode. We learn that Greg’s supposed terminal illness has been effectively treated, thanks to Tanya getting him the best possible doctors, and now he can live a long life with him – which Tanya later interprets as Greg’s time in this marriage being too long, as if he you couldn’t love for so long.
Tanya and Greg before the sex scene
The White Lotusin (Image: IMDb)
The influence of a parent with borderline personality disorder
Isabelle Morley, Psy.D. clinical psychologist attempted to analyze Tanya’s character to help understand why this character with mental problems is always left alone in the series. The specialist begins the analysis with Tanya’s mother, as it becomes clear in the first season that, according to Tanya, her mother suffered from borderline personality disorder, which is generally characterized by low self-esteem, a distorted or contradictory self-image, difficulties in maintaining close relationships, emotional dysregulation (emotional hyperactivity), impulsivity, characterized by anger and often self-harm.
People with borderline personality disorder struggle to maintain healthy relationships, and while they crave intense closeness, they end up pushing people away for fear of rejection.
They may feel worthless, they may need constant closeness and reassurance in their relationships. For a parent with BPD, things like a child becoming independent can even lead to tantrums and blaming the child.
Tanya probably experienced that her mother’s personality disorder left little room for her to have her own personality. In the first season, she recalls painful childhood memories, such as seeing her mother in bed with several men, and describes her mother as cruel and manipulative. Due to inconsistent and confused parenting behavior, Tanya has low self-esteem, has acquired deep attachment wounds, and the skills necessary to maintain close relationships are also underdeveloped. As a result, Tanya has learned that people do not like her consistently, and she probably believes that she herself is unlovable. But even though he feels this way, he seeks the closeness of people, but at the same time he is very sensitive to rejection and reacts quickly if he feels that someone is moving away from him.
The relationship between Tanya and Greg
The psychologist finds it painful in the series how Tanya asks for attention or love from Greg, but always gets rejected in the end. For example, when Tanya suggests sex, and he gets up to wash himself, and he obviously does not want to be intimate with her, but he willingly participates in the act anyway, with great reluctance. Tanya sighs to herself at how considerate he is, not realizing that her comment comes out of annoyance and not love. Tanya tries several times to establish a relationship with Greg – proving how many macarons she’s eaten, making plans for their first full day in Italy – but he pushes her away as much as he can.
Tensions escalate into a fight at a Sicilian restaurant after Greg tells Tanya he has to leave for a few days to deal with work issues. She tells him to quit her job, and he scoffs, reminding her that the prenuptial agreement requires him to keep his job in case their marriage falls apart. To Tanya’s objection, Greg reveals a harsh but accurate assessment of Tanya’s relationship history, according to which she used to dump people around her in an instant.
You may be right about that, Tanya probably leaves people when she senses judgment or rejection and leaves them before they can leave her.
Based on Greg’s observations, it is possible that Tanya developed some characteristics of the borderline, which many people would easily dismiss as Tanya being oversensitive. After all, Greg had only said that he would be away for a few days and that it was very important for his work. Why does the woman draw the conclusion from all this that her husband hates her?
While Tanya may misconstrue other people’s healthy boundaries, complaints, or requests as outright rejection, the psychologist says her interactions with Greg are evidence that he is unhappy with her. The man avoided intimacy and then shamed Tanya because of her eating habits and body. She condemned his suggestions on how to spend her dream day in Italy and made it known in as many different ways as possible that she did not like him.
Tanya and Greg on the woman’s dream day in Italy (Image: IMDb)
Tanya has too much money
Tanya is outrageously rich. Although your relationships aren’t healthy, you can use your money to at least make them last (until you end them). We see that in the first season he uses his money to buy friendships, which he continues in Sicily. Money was also the key to Greg’s recovery, which also bought her husband’s time. Tanya is afraid of being alone and uses her financial resources to avoid this.
No one likes to feel obligated, to feel obligated to show their gratitude, but in Tanya’s life, people often feel that way. If Tanya didn’t have the money to keep people, they would probably just walk out of her life.
Although his wealth allows him to keep his relationships, this is only a diversion instead of the more challenging, time-consuming, but much more productive work of learning to deal with his fear of rejection and developing secure attachments to important people in his life, writes the psychologist . Tanya knows this too. In the first season, he admits that he used his money to buy friendships. And in the second season, he treats his assistant, Portia, like a servant whose only job is to satisfy Tanya’s needs. Tanya is also aware that Greg may only be with her for the money. With a bank account this big, you’d be wise to be careful when it comes to love, and Greg has proven that he doesn’t love for its own sake.
It is certain that Tanya has a lot of mental work to do if she wants to choose a new partner and desire a healthier relationship. He inherited a painful legacy from his mother, and developing a secure attachment to a new partner will be a challenge.
To do this, you need to be with someone who is patient, direct, calm and loving. He would need a couple who would be happy to do this relational and emotional work with him. You need someone who doesn’t need your money so that you can be sure that your relationship is based on love and not wealth. Greg is not that kind of person. At least it wasn’t until now. They haven’t been married that long and already it seems that he is annoyed by Tanya and resents her for the prenuptial agreement. If he doesn’t become more empathetic, devoted and kind to Tanya, he may further deepen her attachment insecurities and convince her of the horrible idea that she is not lovable at all.
